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you know what I might I do? I might start uploading videos of me reading advertisements from old (mid-1990s) comic books. I’d also like to read the sound effects.
when referring to people, use “glitch” instead of “bitch”. call them glitches. say theyre being glitchy. not only do you get to avoid using a misogynistic slur, you can also imply that their negativity is an anomaly in the web grid of your life and thus needs to be patched
I REALLY LIKE THIS ACTUALLY
What the shock is this, the year 2099?
The other day I shrek-biked myself by thinking of Baldfield instead of Garfield
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You know what I was thinking last night? I was thinking what if bananas were juicy?
You’d be driving along the freeway and opt for a juicy, ripe banana. You open the banana and juice starts dripping down the peel. The juice would drip off the end of a flap and land on your wrist then roll down your arm, underneath the sleeve of your Alabama sweatshirt. It gets in the crease of your arm and makes it so the skin sticks every time you bend your elbow. So after you eat it, you have to pull over at a Love’s travel stop to clean up.
You’re in the restroom, in front of the sink with one sleeve pulled up, splashing water on your arm. A guy finishes up his business in one of the stalls behind you and comes out to wash his hands at the neighboring sink. He looks at you splashing water on your arm; he looks curious but says nothing. You notice, so you look over at him and say, “That was one juicy banana!”
If the guy is cool, he will politely chuckle, snatch a paper towel to dry his hands and leave. If he’s not cool, he will take the last three paper towels and you’ll have to dry your hands on your pants.
Welcome, my friends, to the world of imaginary fruit!
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I went in a men’s room yesterday to use the urinal and the urinal had its own stall. It was walled in. The door locked.
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